ATTN: EVERYONE

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

This is your regular medical briefing because some of us still believe in government transparency! :D :D :D

Three news bulletins:

1. So it looks like the Sampire has been repodded. Please welcome our new head of medical, Dr. Faiza Hussain! She's now the person who gets to deal with us, keep us in line, and try to explain the logic behind not using a red cross as a logo because I'm seriously not getting it, man. Is it a copyright issue? Because AFAIK 21st century copyright laws got Ohmified and by that I mean deaded.

2. If you don't present for your physical evaluation, we're going to hunt you down. You can't run. You can't hide. You can only surrender. So do it.

3. WE DISSECTED A SHRIKE AND IT WAS AWESOME. And by awesome I mean freaky because it turns out the thing is still partially alive. The brain was still receiving messages from an external source, leading to increased temperature, trace amounts of blood flow and oh yeah, brain activity. Reminder: this thing was frozen and dead when we started taking it apart. What this signal is or what it is does, and how much danger us noble dissectors were in when we did it, is up to Neuropathy to decide.

So this is your takeaway message: even if an Ohm shrike is dead, it still has an active part of its brain responding to some sort of remote signal.

CREEPY, RIGHT?

This has been your learning moment for the day. If anyone wants to see my incredibly detailed lab notes on the dissection process, including drawings of the Ohm and of Godzilla stomping on NYC, pop on by and I promise to be 50% less of a jackass to you as I usually am. Because science is cool.

Peace out.

Comments

[9tailedtemptress]

Hm, can I just flee for the sake of being hunted? I do enjoy challenges and it's been rather dull as of late!

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

...I hate people like you.

[9tailedtemptress]

Oh don't be so sour, it's just habit! I mean it's not like I haven't been hunted my entire life! I just enjoy playing with my so-called hunters.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

You do realize that I get like three hours of sleep a night and work 2.5 jobs, right?

[9tailedtemptress]

You can sleep? Consider yourself lucky!

Okay, bad joke, but you did offer a hunt. Why offer it if you weren't going to keep to your word. And besides, you did say there were others correct? It's not like you have to hunt me down personally... I mean, unless you reaaaally wanted to catch me!

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

It wasn't an offer, it was a threat. A threat we'd rather not resort to because if people would just show up for their goddamn physical evals I wouldn't be getting gray hair at the ripe old age of fifteen.

[9tailedtemptress]

I see...

It's hard to notice tone in these things... Regardless, I'm not keen on medical tables, them and me have had... a rather unsavory relationship with many countries looking to dissect, or skin me for my magical qualities and my fur, so if you don't mind I think I rather avoid an unpleasant situation.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Too bad I do mind. This is protocol, Vix. I promise we won't skin you.

If you want we can do it away from a medical table, though.

[9tailedtemptress]

Hm, a shame. I'll consider it. I won't promise anything, but at least it would give me time to think it over.

I'm sure you understand.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

I do, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to make you do it.

I'm just doing my job here. I'd rather work with you and make it as comfortable as possible for you than run around shooting at you with a dart gun, alright? That's no fun for any of us.

[9tailedtemptress]

I understand, and that's why I said I'd consider it. It's more than what I offered the mages of Noxus when they tried to attach me to an 'medical table'. All they ended up with were their dried husks.

So don't take any offense, I just dislike those procedures.