ATTN: EVERYONE

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

This is your regular medical briefing because some of us still believe in government transparency! :D :D :D

Three news bulletins:

1. So it looks like the Sampire has been repodded. Please welcome our new head of medical, Dr. Faiza Hussain! She's now the person who gets to deal with us, keep us in line, and try to explain the logic behind not using a red cross as a logo because I'm seriously not getting it, man. Is it a copyright issue? Because AFAIK 21st century copyright laws got Ohmified and by that I mean deaded.

2. If you don't present for your physical evaluation, we're going to hunt you down. You can't run. You can't hide. You can only surrender. So do it.

3. WE DISSECTED A SHRIKE AND IT WAS AWESOME. And by awesome I mean freaky because it turns out the thing is still partially alive. The brain was still receiving messages from an external source, leading to increased temperature, trace amounts of blood flow and oh yeah, brain activity. Reminder: this thing was frozen and dead when we started taking it apart. What this signal is or what it is does, and how much danger us noble dissectors were in when we did it, is up to Neuropathy to decide.

So this is your takeaway message: even if an Ohm shrike is dead, it still has an active part of its brain responding to some sort of remote signal.

CREEPY, RIGHT?

This has been your learning moment for the day. If anyone wants to see my incredibly detailed lab notes on the dissection process, including drawings of the Ohm and of Godzilla stomping on NYC, pop on by and I promise to be 50% less of a jackass to you as I usually am. Because science is cool.

Peace out.

Comments

[encourage]

We're not kidding about hunting you down. I take immense pleasure in ensuring you're found, just as Howard, Soren, and possibly Dr. Faiza does. And everyone else.

In order to be an effective medical unit, we need to know the ins and outs of you, at your current status. Wise up. Running away keeping whatever you think is being kept secret or safe or sound is stupid.

Stupid.

Howard how do I make that like, bold?

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

Like this, [b]Chakra Spice[/b]. Switch the brackets for those plus-minus Pac-Man signs.

[encourage]

You're lucky I know what Pac-Man is.

STUPID. This is what you're being in avoiding evaluations. We're not here to mock you (Howard might anyway, but that's when you come talk to Rory, Faiza, myself, or -- no. Probably not Soren.), we're here to know everything we need to in order to make sure you don't keel over dead. Help us help you. Fight us, well.

I'm a combat medic, I love a little extra practice time.

If you're worried about secrets, that's fine, we get it, pick your two medics and tell them everything, keep the rest out if you seriously need to, if I don't advise doing that. At least two people need to know of those awake at all times, pending one or the other being out of commission when you need their knowledge working on your half.

Actually, don't we have a list, Howard? Of active crew without active medical charts.

[iselldrugstothecommunity]

I do have a handy list! And because medical confidentiality is a very loose idea here, if you don't show up for your physical eval I will name and shame you.

For those of you keeping secrets? Guess what, "So-and-So McDoofus is avoiding medical for ~*mysterious reasons*~" looks really, really suspicious.

You don't want that all over the comms, right? Because I'll put it there. Don't fucking test me.

I'm here to help you guys. Actually, that's crap, I'm here because Stacy feeds me, but I do help you guys and my job is way easier if you're not being secretive dumbfucks about it. Sakura's right - you know who gets hurt that way? You.

Possibly by a medic with a stun gun. You've been warned.